Surgery!

Well, it's been a while folks. Sorry about that. I've got a few things to share though. This semester, we have been doing various rotations. We started out with pediatrics (not my cup of tea thank you very much), we did med surg, surgery, and I go to the wound center soon. Surgery was....interesting. The surgery that I went to was a knee replacement. That was....interesting.

The minute I stepped onto the surgical floor I was swept away, made to change clothes (MUCH more comfortable than our school uniforms), put into a gown and a surgical mask, and put into a room. I got there just in time to....PUT IN MY FIRST MALE CATHETER. It was great. When you do a catheter, it has to be sterile, or you can give someone a urinary tract infection. I wasn't nervous, but breathing my own air in that face mask was fogging up my glasses. I opened the catheter kit, donned my sterile gloves, and went ahead. Now, this is where it gets interesting. You see, you use one hand too....hold the....you know. Okay. Penis. There, I said it. Ha! My understanding that was as long as it was firmly...held...that all was fine. No. Apparently not. The circulating nurse that was helping get the man positioned on the table informed me very loudly that, "Girl, you got a man handle that thing! It'll get away from you and you have to start all over it, really grab it in your fist like a snake!" Suddenly, I felt as though I was at a rodeo and we were discussing pigs, not male genitals. Same thing I guess when you really think about it. Anyhoo, after I had properly grasped the pig snake penis thing, everything went fine after that and the nurses and surgeons clapped like I was at show and tell.

The actual knee replacement was interesting to watch also. It was very brutal and bloody, which I liked. They chiseled, hammered, sawed, hammered some more, drilled scraped and nailed all sorts of pieces in. It was a lot like wood shop, except bloodier. And more sterile. It gave me a better idea of what kind of pain I am treating when I take care of post-op patients. I don't think I want to be a surgical nurse, but it was fun.

HIPPA induced statement: The above x-ray was courtesy of google and in no way had any relation to the patient that I am talking about in the above entry.

Large Cup o' Joe...Sorta

I am serenely sitting here enjoying my peace and quiet away from school. I don't have to go back for 16 days and 9 hours. I have a cup of tea, television, and no desire to do homework whatsoever. Thank you very much. That doesn't mean I don't have any, it just means that I don't have any desire. You see, desire, also known as motivation, is the key to getting things done. The only thing I want done right now is this blog post.

But, I digress.

As a general rule, when someone is in the hospital you keep track of their I&O, or Input & Output. That means you write down everything they drink, in mL, and everything they put out, in mL. Except for poo, that comes in S, M, L, and XL, and how many a day. We were taught fairly early on in the semester about I&O and what to do to keep track of our patient's "business." However, I guess some of us should have listened a little better, because damn this is the grossest thing I have ever heard of one of our students doing.

You see, a bedpan is a magical thing. It is a great item when used correctly. It has little notches on it to measure urine. URINE PEOPLE. PEE. U-R-I-N-E. Not poop. NO MEASURING OF THE POO. I came upon the occurence of one of my fellow classmates, what seemed like a girl elbow deep in sh*t. I guess she missed the part about S, M, L, or XL. From the looks of what she was packing into this measuring cup, I think that an XXL distinction needs to be added to the list. That girl was just scooping, pouring, tapping, mashing, and packing away. It was all over her gloves, the patient was staring, and frankly, I think the relative was going to throw up (Luckily we don't have to measure anyone's I&O's but the patient's.) She looked like a kid in a sandbox. After I stopped laughing out in the hall, I let our instructor know so that she could fill the girl in. Let's just say, when lunch came, I saw that lady wash her hands 293482093 times before she ate.