Sunday, December 21, 2008

Large Cup o' Joe...Sorta

I am serenely sitting here enjoying my peace and quiet away from school. I don't have to go back for 16 days and 9 hours. I have a cup of tea, television, and no desire to do homework whatsoever. Thank you very much. That doesn't mean I don't have any, it just means that I don't have any desire. You see, desire, also known as motivation, is the key to getting things done. The only thing I want done right now is this blog post.

But, I digress.

As a general rule, when someone is in the hospital you keep track of their I&O, or Input & Output. That means you write down everything they drink, in mL, and everything they put out, in mL. Except for poo, that comes in S, M, L, and XL, and how many a day. We were taught fairly early on in the semester about I&O and what to do to keep track of our patient's "business." However, I guess some of us should have listened a little better, because damn this is the grossest thing I have ever heard of one of our students doing.

You see, a bedpan is a magical thing. It is a great item when used correctly. It has little notches on it to measure urine. URINE PEOPLE. PEE. U-R-I-N-E. Not poop. NO MEASURING OF THE POO. I came upon the occurence of one of my fellow classmates, what seemed like a girl elbow deep in sh*t. I guess she missed the part about S, M, L, or XL. From the looks of what she was packing into this measuring cup, I think that an XXL distinction needs to be added to the list. That girl was just scooping, pouring, tapping, mashing, and packing away. It was all over her gloves, the patient was staring, and frankly, I think the relative was going to throw up (Luckily we don't have to measure anyone's I&O's but the patient's.) She looked like a kid in a sandbox. After I stopped laughing out in the hall, I let our instructor know so that she could fill the girl in. Let's just say, when lunch came, I saw that lady wash her hands 293482093 times before she ate.


Suzan Buckner said...

I love are SO funny!!! LOL LOL LOL...

Kathy said...

Now, that is a lot of poop talk. lol
All I can say is, God bless you all for doing the things you do. I have heard some horror stories from nurses, lol.
I am so enjoying your blog, I hear your mom in your writing, so cute. You have a Merry Christmas and ENJOY the time off.

Elizabeth said...

OMG!!! LOL... Good thing there were no dead rodents in the room... OK, I'm beating a dead squirrel (I mean horse) with that one. : P

Colorfuldayz said...

Just wanted to let you know your blog has become one of my favorites. I found it from your Mom's site, and think you are a hysterical writer. Thanks so much for sharing your adventures with us!

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! That's hilarious!